Let's Talk Dates!

 

I don't know about you, but one of my favorite parts of Facial Recognition is all the bad dates! In my review I mentioned that I've been on some doozey of dates. I can look back now and laugh but y'all! They. Were. Bad! 

While trying to decide which one to share, I realized that I always seem to go out with guys who like to order for me. It MIGHT be cute or sweet IF they actually knew me and IF they knew how much I could eat. But first dates?! Nope! Let me order my own dang food! 

So which date did I finally decide on? My Disneyland date! You know how people say "Disneyland is the happiest place on earth"? Well... not for this girl! I am not a fan! Haha. Are you ready to hear all about my date? Snuggle in, keep your drinks away from your mouths and try not to laugh too hard. And just a warning... it's going to be a LONG story! 😉

It was o'dark thirty in the morning and I crawl out of bed to get ready for what I'm thinking will be one of the best date ever. It is Disneyland after all. Once I'm ready, I hop in my car and drive 30 minutes to the guy's house. We hop into his truck and head on out to Anaheim. On the way out there, he gets a call from one of his workers (he owned his own business) saying there's a problem on a jobsite. We detour to the jobsite where I sit in the truck for about 30-40 minutes while he fixes the issue. Y'all. He didn't even leave the truck running. I was sitting in there with no AC, no music, no nothin. It sucked! He finally gets everything taken care of and we're back on the road. 

When we finally get there, he decides to get us the park hopper. I had previously told him that I am NOT a rollercoaster girl because I'm deathly afraid of heights. But he insists that we HAVE to visit both parks. We spend some time in the main one and then head on over to California Adventure. One of the things he said was a must was watch a live performance of Aladdin. I love Aladdin so I was down with that. Right in the middle of the show his cell phone rings. He looks at it trying to decide if he's going to answer it or not. Most people would silence it but he's not most people. Everyone around us is staring and giving us dirty looks. He finally decides to answer it but instead of getting up and going outside the auditorium, he answers it right then and there and proceeds to talk for 10 minutes! Seriously?! Who does that! Ugh! 

After Aladdin, he decides that it's time for some rides. The one he really wants to go on? California Screamin. Was he not listening when I told him that I didn't do rollercoasters?! I told him, I'll watch you from the safety of the ground. He proceeds to pretty much call me a baby and tell him that his 8 year-old daughter loves that ride. Well next time, take her! Since that one was a bust, he decided that we should go on Soarin Over California. He promises me that it's not a rollercoaster and that I will LOVE it. There are different lines we can get in and after he figures out which one, we head in. We're seated, all buckled in, lights go out and the first row goes up, up, up into the air. I. Am. Freaking. Out! Holding on to dear life and trying to ignore that he's sitting next to me laughing hysterically because I am petrified. Needless to say, the day was going downhill fast! 

We decide to head back over to the main park for lunch. He takes me to this place that has "phenomenal" fried chicken. We get up to the register and guess what? Yep! He orders my food. I kinda just roll my eyes and go with the flow. It's not like I can get in my car and drive home, right? So the food comes and I just stare at him with a look that says, "Are you freaking kidding me right now?!" Y'all there on my plate was 3 HUGE pieces of chicken, spicy green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy and a roll of some kind. I ate what I could and was going to leave the rest. Our waiter comes up and asks if I'm finished. I tell him that I am. He goes to take it away and my oh so wonderful date says, "you're just going to throw it away?! Do you know that would feed a whole family in a third world country for a week?!" He then turns to our waiter and tells him to get a box because I'm taking it with me. The waiter looks at him like he's a complete and total jerk, gives him a dirty look and then goes to get me a box. He comes back and you can tell that he feels sorry for me. I put the chicken in a box and asked him if he was going to carry it. His response?! Y'all he grabbed my tiny purse and shoved the thing in my purse. Does he not know that chicken goes bad after 4 hours if not refrigerated?! 

Anyway, I am now walking around Disneyland carrying a stupid piece of chicken in my purse. We are hardly speaking at this point and I'm wondering why we aren't just leaving because I'm making it obvious that I can no longer stand this man. But he's determined to stay ALL day so that the money he spent on tickets doesn't go to waste. 

I can't even remember what we decided to do next but we took a potty break first. Y'all. I was SO tempted to throw that stupid piece of chicken away in the bathroom garbage but I thought, with my luck, he'll check my purse the moment I walk out of the bathroom. And before you think, no! He didn't! Yes! He did! He grabs my purse, opens it up and checks to make sure it is still there. 

As the evening comes to an end, he decides that we're going to eat dinner at the Rainforest Café. I told him that I was going to buy dinner because if I decided that I do NOT want to take my food home with me, I'm not going to take it home with me. He proceeds to order something really expensive and when it comes, there's a ton of food on his plate. Is your mind going where mine went as we were eating? He hardly touched a thing. When the waitress came he just stared at me smirking. He wanted to see if I would make a scene similar to the one he made at lunch but I didn't even give him the satisfaction. I just looked at him and said, are you ready? He was kinda shocked. I handed the waitress my card and once I signed the receipt, we were out the door heading to his truck. 

I'm sure you're probably thinking, man! What a date! But it's not over yet. The entire way home he doesn't say a single word to me. He proceeds to call anyone and everyone in his phone just to talk to them. A lot of them knew that he was on a date and when they discovered he was driving home with me in the truck, they made him get off the phone. He finally called some girl and was setting up a date with her for the following weekend. He spent the rest of the drive home talking to her. 

Needless to say, by the time we got back to his house I was SO glad to get away from him. My parting words were, thanks! Have a great night! And off I went thinking, no wonder you're divorced. Your poor ex-wife! Haha. 

And you know the girl he called to set up that date with? They ended up getting engaged on New Year's Eve. How do I know? We happened to be at the same New Year's Eve church dance and he was following me around, dragging her behind him trying to get me to notice his ring on her finger. I just rolled my eyes, laughed and walked away. Was that the last time I saw him? Nope!

Fast forward years later and I'm in Manti, Utah with my family. I see this chick that looks familiar but I can't place her. I walk outside and as I'm walking around guess who I see?! Yep! You guessed it! Mr. Chicken in the Purse! (It's what my friends nicknamed him after they laughed hysterically at my story). I instantly turned around and started walking in the opposite direction. What did he do?! He freaking followed me! I was like what the crap dude! Leave me alone! I gave him a dirty look and might have said something about a stalker before I found my car and hopped in it to wait for my family. As I was sitting there it finally dawned on me who that chick was... his wife! I may or may not have been shocked that they were still married! 😂 

So, that's my story! What about you? Have you been on any bad dates that you don't mind sharing? I would love to hear one of them! I can't be the only one that went on a bad date, right?! Haha.